


Froot Loop Gas Station Mafia AU

by mxmoirs_of_a_nxrd



Category: Kellogg's "Froot Loops" Commercials
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28322928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxmoirs_of_a_nxrd/pseuds/mxmoirs_of_a_nxrd
Summary: it's a gas station, but it's also the mafia
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Peyton Read This Right Now, You Loser

CHAPTER 1

In a RaceTrack gas station, in the heart of Lutz Florida, there were nine swaggy souls who happened to work for the Froot Loop mafia. There was Kathleen "Red Loop" Johnson, the morning shift manager. Sara "Orange Loop" Joohnson, the afternoon shift manager. Ashley "Yellow Loop" Johnsoon, the annoying one who seemingly works every shift. Peyton "Green Loop" Joohnsoon, the employee who's always standing by the frozen yogurt. Logan "Blue Loop" Greg, the night shift manager. Alex "Purple Loop" Juhnson, a cashier. Joanne "Box" Juhnsun, another cashier. Aanya "Marshmellow" Johnsyn, who's always wearing a RaceTrack shirt but never actually seems to do anything. Finally, there was Kaitlyn "Toucan Sam" Joynsyn", the crime overlord. The gas station operated as a normal Racetrack, but with violence. Everyday strange and unusual characters would go inside, not to be seen until they ended up in prison or dead. These nine were the only things standing between humanity without Froot Loops. 

Froot Loops had too many enemies. Cereal competitors, evil maniacs, disgusting bitches who don't like good cereal, etc. Their biggest enemy was Tony the Tiger, leader of the Frosted Flakes Empire. He would stop at nothing to take over the breakfast world with his discount corn flakes. 

Follow the Froot Loop Gang on their journey at the RaceTrack Mafia.


	2. The Past Is No Longer Yours, The Future Is Not Yet In Your Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hehe

CHAPTER 2

One day, while Alex, Ashley, Logan, and Kathleen were working a shift, they received a call from their greatest ally Bad Apple from the Apple Jacks Empire. He informed them that the Breakfast Police were offering compensation for any company who had an employee murdered while working a shift. Bad Apple suggested he murder one of their employees, because anything for profit is worth doing, but Kathleen gave him a hard no. She had just drained her soft no supply. So the Loop Gang and Bad Apple devised a plan to get that compensation without actually murdering any employees, even though Alex offered herself as a sacrifice. 

A Few Hours Later

Bad Apple strolled in like he owned the place. He poured bottles of cheap wine all over the ground. He brought in his army of trained rabbits and shouted at them to get Alex. They chased her into the wine puddle, where she tripped and fell on a giant clock that somebody forgot to pick up. Good employees were hard to come by and actually wanted good pay. He took out his Jellyfish Launcher 3000 and pointed it at Alex. "If you don't give me all your crayons, I'll kill you!" He shouted. Alex rolled her eyes. "We don't sell crayons dumbass, this is a RaceTrack." 

Bad Apple shot Alex with the Jellyfish 3000, and then she died. 

Oh no.


	3. I Can Taste The Freedom On My Extra Large Fries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex isn't actually dead hehe

CHAPTER 3

Alex isn't actually dead. Shes immune to jellyfish. 

But now they got $10,000 because Alex is "dead". She goes my Alix now, because even if you're dead you have to work. And that's on capitalism. 

It's midnight, and who the fuck goes to RaceTrack at midnight. The Loops are playing Cards Against Humanity in the back, using their guard monkey to watch the store. For some reason, the only card Logan has is the "bees" card. Every single round his card became the "bees" card. Within moments the store was surrounded by bees. They couldn't come inside though, because they were vampire bees. They needed permission to cross the threshold because vampire bees are polite. 

Unsure of what to do, the Loops continued their game. Sara won after playing the "Daniel Radcliffe's Delicious Asshole" card. Then they were off to fight vampire bees. They needed their secret weapon, Esteban the RaceTrack Mascot.

He used his laser vision to slice vampire bees in half. The Loops drew their swords and went to war. Fighting for all Breakfast kind was a hard job. They almost lost Aanya. Eventually they were scared off by Esteban, who found the company's secret machine gun. 

Hooray!


	4. Standing Out In The Cold Fighting Mike Tyson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rip alix

CHAPTER 4

Alix is dead. She has to go by Alec now, because supposedly she was killed by vampire bees. Oh well.

Kaitlyn, being a pro wrestler and all, set up a wrestling arena in the middle of the RaceTrack. If you wanted frozen yogurt, you had to wrestle one of the employees. Being tiny, Peyton got chosen a lot. Joanne's pretty small too, but she is surrounded by an aura of danger that scares customers. Peyton's just too nice looking. Eventually, she just starts stabbing people with the throwing knives she keeps in her backpack. When your gas station is a front for the Froot Loop Mafia, you get away with a lot of shit.

Eventually Buzz the Bee flew in. He was here for a challenge. "I'm here to wrestle Toucan Sam." He declared. Alec just stared at him before walking into the back to eat ramen. 

Kaitlyn came out in all her wrestling glory. It was a Froot Loop pattern onesie. She had the secret help from Esteban the possum. 

While Buzz the Bee attempted to grab Kaitlyn, Esteban would squirt olive oil on the arena. Kaitlyn, wearing sticky shoes over her onesie, stuck easily. Buzz the Bee, not so much.

In the end, Kaitlyn won. She had Buzz the Bee executed. He hung for his crimes. 

Down with Honey Nut Cheerios!


	5. Hg Stands For Mercury, and Ash Will Be Committing a War Crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haha chemistry joke in title go brrrrrrrrrr

CHAPTER 5

the author doesn't remember what happened in chapter 4 and they are too lazy to look. they are sorry (but not really :D )

Kaitlyn was pleased to announce the big plan to make Froot Loops the best cereal empire (and get more money from fake employee deaths). The gang was gonna keep doing dumb outlandish shit until all the mascots came into the RaceTrack and got fucking owned. That was the plan. So she put the spotlight on Joanne to come up with a wonderful idea. Joanne was not pleased. She's not a dumbass, therefore she doesn't know how to come up with dumbass ideas.

(hi joanne, i love you)

She came up with a brilliant plan instead. Invite a few big-shots over for a meeting and tranquilize them. Then torture them for the location of their fortunes. Alec/Alex/WTF is Alex's fake name at this point in the story suggested rigging the door to spray poison cheese whiz but nobody seemed to appreciate that glorious idea. 

Kaitlyn sent out the meeting request, and all of them said "fuck no". This is the cereal mafia, what were they expecting. Aanya suggested Alec's idea. Everyone agreed it should be a last resort. Kathleen questioned the concept of poison cheese whiz. 

[magic time skip]

It was a rather boring shift. Joanne and Alec were playing war on the counter because nobody was there. Peyton was eating more frozen yougurt. Who knows where Aanya was. Kathleen was in Texas. Logan was in Tennessee. Kaitlyn was off being an evil genius. Sara was meeting the a pigeon for inside info on the bourgeoisie. Esteban was taking a shower because possums have wonderful health standards. Ashley was off being a simp (please stop texting Jordan all the time you're literally so dumb). All of a sudden the cops were barging in with a warrant for Joanne. Trix had framed her for murder, because there was no way Joanne got caught. That rabbit was a mean bitch and it seemed like something he would do. The cops took Joanne away and Alec called Kaitlyn with the news.


	6. Aquatic Friend Stereotyped Wood Acoustics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> esteban says hi

CHAPTER 6

So Joanne got arrested. Ouch. They faked Alec's death again because we need a new slurpy machine. This one's gonna have 6 new flavors. Kathleen is estatic. Alec is now Alyx. 

Kaitlyn called a meeting to discuss how we were going to break Joanne out of jail. Logan was concerned about the money we could get if we left her there. We decided to fake her death in prison. Alyx got a nice fake skeleton. It was probably a little too fake, but Sara wouldn't let Ashley commit a real murder. Apparently murder is "unethical" or something. 

They were off to help Joanne after a binge session of Idolish7. Sorry Joanne.

They delivered a box to the warden. It was filled with mint, which he was allergic too, and beetles, which he was afraid of. Solid plan. It worked better than expected. Kathleen's pretty sure they accidentally killed the guy. Oh well.

Using flimsy swords, they fought off the rest of the guards all while singing 1700's sea shanties. Pretty swag. Esteban started weeping, as his tears were made of gold. They used that gold to bribe the dog that was guarding the keys. Turns out dogs have no use for gold and cannot be bribed with it. 

So Alyx killed the dog. Oops.

But Joanne is back!

Kathleen and Ashley bought celebratory swedish fish with Esteban's golden tears.


	7. Please Don't Deep Throat the Sprite Chapstick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there are like 5 random people reading this that are not part of the group this is about. hello. why are you reading this the writing is actual shit.

CHAPTER 7

It was up to the Froot Loop Gang to stop the cereal zombies. How cereal zombies were created, who knows. But zombies made of cereal were destroying everything.

Everyone grabbed their galactic space blasters that were just hanging out in the employee closet. Esteban put them there, but he wouldn't say where he got them. 

They went to work, blasting away at zombies. People were calling out point values as they hit zombies. 10 points if you hit them on the forehead. 30 if you hit them in the eyes. Winner of the game gets a free slurpee. It's a very good prize. Totally not a cheap way to get everyone to fight zombies.

They were almost done blasting all the zombies when a UFO came out of nowhere and beamed up Kathleen. Oh no.

The aliens zoomed off with the beloved Red Loop while people cried in the streets. Kaitlyn bought so many bags of Doritos with the gold Esteban was creating. It was pretty swag. 

Nobody knew how to find Kathleen. Finding aliens wasn't something they did on the daily. They had to kill off Alyx to fund their new spaceship. It's Ahlex now. Kaitlyn found a nice spaceship, so they closed the RaceTrack to go save Kathleen from Aliens.


	8. Commercial Break!!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :D

All of these fruity aromas are mine, all mine. hmmm this is the best group since I've ever smelled but it's not mine we must have it towards it

i say! stop thieves! oh no!

the kellogs froot loop cereal's gone

if you can solve the puzzle at toucansam.com you can get back the frooty loops

**Author's Note:**

> hehe


End file.
